The Career-Path Alternative
by neverfading
Summary: A rather minimalist little AU tale. Howard and Raj decide to use their scientific skills for other purposes...


Raj climbed quickly and easily up the side of the boat, out of the clear turquoise ocean. Streams of water ran down his beautiful brown skin as he walked across the deck of the boat, drying his hair with a towel.

Howard was sitting in a folding chair, with his laptop in front of him and a drink by his side: Mountain Dew with a hint of lemon vodka. His pale body was starting to get sunburned, so he knew he'd need to go inside soon, but for now he was enjoying this pleasant afternoon, more or less. He was wearing blue shorts with silver trim, and white flip-flops, and nothing else.

The boat was anchored securely, some distance away from the land.

Raj came over to his small companion and stood beside his chair, placing a hand on his shoulder.

"Did you put the finishing touches on that project?" He asked.

Howard took off his huge 1970s-style sunglasses and peered at the screen.

"Almost. Just working out all the kinks. Everything'll be perfect."

"Awesome." Raj said, and bent down for a quick kiss.

Howard shamelessly stroked his small hand down Raj's front, enjoying the feel of the smooth skin and the narrow line of coarse black hair which ran down his stomach and abdomen. Then, he grabbed the waistband of Raj's red shorts and playfully let them snap against his hip.

"Hey, cut that out!" Raj protested, laughing.

"There's nobody around but me. Why don't you just swim naked?" Howard said.

"Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Nobody wants saltwater in their crevices..."

Howard picked up a set of binoculars and looked towards the shore.

"Y'know, I can actually see the hotel, from here. Think we should get farther away?"

"No, it's fine. Nobody'll ever connect us to this. Don't be paranoid, dude."

In the city on the shore, there was a luxury high-rise hotel, and staying at that hotel was a young woman named Countess Astrid Von Klausen. She was a minor member of the Danish royal family, as well as a notorious socialite and party-girl. She was one of the richest women in Europe.

In four hours, when the sun went down, a tiny remote-controlled robot would enter her hotel room, take her diamonds, store them in a little compartment inside its own body, then leave as silently as it had come. In the morning, the confused lady would receive a totally untraceable text message, informing her that she could have half of the diamonds back, in exchange for her silence on the matter.

And of course, those diamonds had been a gift from a lover, so Astrid couldn't report their absence without making her much-older husband suspicious about her own behavior. So, the whole operation was doubly safe, as far as Howard and Raj were concerned.

All Howard had to do was go to shore, pick up the little robot from its hiding-place and put it in his messenger bag, while he was casually strolling along the street, in the most innocent and ordinary way. He would never be inside the woman's room, or inside the hotel, or even within blocks of the place. The robot even knew how to use the elevator to get out of the hotel, and it would proceed swiftly and easily to its hiding place, avoiding all obstacles. It could also fly, if necessary, like a mini-helicopter.

Howard and Raj did not know this woman, they did not know if she was a particularly bad person or a particularly nice one, and they did not care. She certainly had more diamonds than she could ever wear, and she was obscenely wealthy, so it was no great loss.

"When you go ashore, remember to wear shoes with laces." Raj said.

"Why?"

"Because, when you crouch down to pick up the robot, you'll probably want to pretend to be tying your shoe, so it doesn't look suspicious, and Vans don't have laces, you dork." Raj teased him.

Howard frowned in thought. "Well, I might have some Chucks with laces, but I'll have to check the Shoe Vault..." He murmured.

"Remember that time in Prague when the robot almost got eaten by a cat? Boy, that was a close call."

"Yeah. I had to give it an electric shock, poor thing. I hope it was okay."

Raj noticed what was on the laptop's screen, and gave Howard a look of mild annoyance. "Howard, did you use the robot to take pictures of Countess Astrid's cleavage?"

Howard put on a look of false innocence and pretended to be greatly offended.

"Who, me? I only like your cleavage, mon cher...I mean, your pecs. Anyways, she was wearing a diamond necklace, a long one. How could I photograph the necklace without photographing her decolletage, huh? Tell me that, Mr. Smart Guy."

With a few final keystrokes, the task was completed, and Howard shut the laptop. He finished his drink, stood up and slid his skinny arms around Raj's waist, pressing up against him.

"I'm tired of Greece. Can we go somewhere cool, next? I can't wear my turtlenecks, in this heat." Howard complained.

Raj chuckled happily. "Oh, Howard. Only you could complain about a place as beautiful as this. And I like seeing your neck, for once."

He slowly and sensuously traced his index finger down Howard's throat, over his prominent adam's-apple, to the hollow place above his collarbone.

"Well, seriously. Can't we go somewhere farther north and go snowboarding, and stuff? I'm burning up like an overcooked latke, here."

"We can do whatever you want, lover." Raj said, lowering one hand to Howard's waist and kissing him on the forehead, gently brushing his thick, heavy hair out of the way. "But I don't think nerds like us should go snowboarding. That sounds hazardous."

"By the way, I changed the program for the robot. It's completely self-directed, now. I don't even have to monitor its movements, it'll do everything automatically."

Raj smiled. "You're brilliant, and that's one of the many reasons I love you." He said.

Howard smiled in that cutely self-deprecating way which made him look so adorable: wicked and innocent at the same time.

"I love you, too."

Despite his happiness, a brief flicker of disappointment crossed Raj's face.

"I feel like I'm not contributing much, to this project." He said. "A corrupt engineer is a truly scary thought, but I've never heard of a corrupt astrophysicist."

Howard wasn't worried. "Oh, we'll find something for you to do. Meanwhile, you can work on your personal research and gaze at the stars all you want, without being interrupted by stupid pesky shit, like a job, and bills. You're too good to bother with mundane crap like that. You've got new planets to discover and intellectual breakthroughs to make."

Indeed, Raj was world-renowned in his field, and nobody would ever, ever, ever have dreamed of connecting his name with all these mysterious and maddeningly unsolvable jewel-thefts that had occurred across Europe, Asia, and South America. He was just a quiet and sweetly shy professor who lived with his devoted partner, that odd little engineer, and the pair of them seemed to travel a lot. But of course, their constant traveling could be easily explained, because Raj was often invited to give a lecture at various universities.

They slowly released their embrace.

Howard folded his arms on his chest and chuckled lightly, looking smug.

"What's so funny?"

"Oh, nothing. I'm just so glad we left everything behind in Pasadena, and embarked on our life of crime, so to speak."

Raj shushed him quickly. "Don't say "crime", out loud." He warned him. "Just say "alternative means of income."

Howard scoffed at this. "There's nobody around to hear me. Now who's being paranoid? He said.

They headed towards the lower deck of the boat, to shower and change their clothes.

"What do you want for dinner, babe?" Raj asked.

A warm glow of lust appeared in Howard's eyes.

"Actually, I'm not hungry, just yet. How 'bout some action, first?"

"Of course." Raj said, looking equally eager and equally naughty.

They held hands loosely, as they climbed down to the deliciously cool interior of the boat, to lounge comfortably in the semi-darkness of their bedroom and while away the hours until the robot completed its mission and it was time to go and retrieve it.

"Howard?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever feel guilty, about all this?"

"What? Hell, no. Do you?"

"Nope." Raj said, and leaned in for another kiss.

THE END


End file.
